Having spent several years supporting people with all kinds of writing projects as a copy writer, since 2019 the focus of my work has shifted almost exclusively to palliative care. People nearing the end of their lives find in me an experienced and attentive companion who helps them trace the golden thread running through their colourful lives and together we create a personal booklet that reflects the essence of their being – a palligraphy.
What is palligraphy?
Palligraphy is a portmanteau of the terms ‘palliative’ and ‘biography’, inspired by calligraphy, the art of beautiful writing. I came up with the term in 2024, after having worked ‘officially’ with dignity-therapy for years and increasingly realising that what I actually do had long since become something else: Drawing on my experience with palliative care patients, my sense for storytelling and insights from narrative research, I had intuitively developed a new method that captures the essence of an entire life within a sixty- to ninety-minute session. In Palligraphy, a person’s most significant milestones and defining memories are identified; alongside an appreciative look back at the life lived, thoughts about death and the time beyond are also being expressed.
When I have read people their own story back to them, they almost always say afterwards: “You’ve written that so beautifully.” Then I correct them: “I’ve only written it down – you’re the one who told it! These are your words.” My role is therefore similar to that of a midwife: I help to draw out the words and, through my way of asking questions and listening, ensure that even at the end of life something is allowed to come into the world and remain here: a spiritual legacy, told in one’s own words.
Time and again, we observe within the team how people who now literally hold their lives in their hands – securely recorded and beyond the reach of death – find it somewhat easier to enter the dying process. What for so long seemed so unfathomable and threatening is now allowed to happen. People realise not only that their life is truly coming to an end, but also that it has made a difference in the lives of others, and that they will leave traces.
Palligraphy has allowed many different circles of life to close peacefully. For the participating patients, the opportunity to not only share the “bright side” of their life story, but also the difficult, challenging and sad moments in life and death and having them witnessed by someone with both gentle curiosity and attentive care, has proven to be extremely helpful.
It is one thing to talk about all the things that have gone well in life, but it takes courage, trust, mindfulness and openness on both sides to address and express the hard truths of life at the death bed. Truths that still leave so many people speechless in everyday life.
Palligraphy work is therefore also about finding words for the seemingly unspeakable. It can help to create a greater awareness of the personal farewell situation, but every palligraphy is also a small but very valuable contribution to a more open approach to dying and death in our society. I am so grateful to all my interviewees over the past few years for telling me their stories in the face of death. In doing so, they have not only left a valuable memory for their loved ones, but have also given me a great gift, as I have been able to learn and grow from each person. The more personal a human story is – the more universal it is at the same time.
